There's nothing worse than dropping money on a vintage RPG and finding out that you've gotten a copy with a dead battery. What's the point of even playing if you can't save your progress? I used to write this misadventures off as wasted cash, but I might not anymore. Check out this handy video from JJ Games that walks you through the process of replacing a dead SNES game's battery with a new one. This opens up a way to get hold of physical copies of 16-bit RPGs at much lower prices than might otherwise. Just buy your Earthbound or Chrono Trigger with a dead battery for next to nothing, and then replace it yourself.
This can only be considered an unparalleled triumph of retrogaming (or slavish nostalgia, if you want to be cynical). Capcom has announced Mega Man 9, a new 8-Bit entry in the "classic" Mega Man series devoid of wacky RPG robots, angsty pretty robots, or newfangled anime bullcrap. No, this is going to be 8-bit Mega Man hopping his way through a game with eight Robot Masters to defeat and Dr. Wily's castle waiting at the end. And one of the Robot Masters is a woman! Retro and progressive.
Right now Mega Man 9 appears to be a WiiWare exclusive. Rumors of a 360/PS3 release were fueled by E3 announcements, but have since been debunked by Capcom.
I'd love to have a real Mega Man 9 screen to post up, but those jerks at Nintendo Power have all the screens locked up for an exclusive article in the August issue. It's a good piece, too, so this issue is worth your time to track down. For now, settle for some stolen pixel art.
I've felt sort of bad about how the download assignments were shaking down over the past few weeks. I got to enjoy myself with Dr. Mario and Toki Tori while Sardius slaved in the fiendish hells of Protöthea and Critter Round-Up. Virtual Console had gotten so bad he was enjoying Sky Kid. Something had to be done.
This week would be different! This week he could enjoy Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa and My Pokemon Ranch, and I would play whatever he didn't want... oh, hey, it's Dig Dug? I like Dig Dug! I guess this won't be so bad after all.
... wait, it's six dollars?
Six dollars to play NES Dig Dug, when I could go on Xbox Live and buy a better port with leaderboards and 720p support for five dollars?
Ladies, gentlemen: the Virtual Console has reached a new milestone in failure.
(It hasn't failed as hard as the mobile version of Dig Dug, which retails for a ridiculous $14.99, but this week's NES Dig Dug port is still a six-dollar bomb of sadness.)
Oh yeah, the Virtual Console! I totally forgot about that old thing. And so has Nintendo, apparently, since only four new VC games have been released over the last month. Not only that, but rumors have recently suggested that Nintendo is planning to "wind down" its Virtual Console release schedule soon. What this means exactly is unknown, but it's probably not going to increase our chances of seeing Earthbound anytime this century.
But hey, why focus on future doom and gloom when we can discuss the Virtual Console's equally depressing present state? Has the last month brought us anything at all worth buying? Let's find out.
Nintendo's Wii-kly Update Takes a Week OffTo celebrate [Monday's] launch of the new WiiWare downloadable game service for Wii, there will be no Virtual Console games added [on Monday]. But don't worry -- next week the Wii-kly Update will be back to its regular Monday schedule, bringing Wii owners information about the best classic Virtual Console titles and coolest new WiiWare games.
So says Monday's press release from the Nintendo Press Room. That's right, in celebration of the WiiWare launch, Nintendo will spare us whatever inevitably disappointing Virtual Console releases were initially planned for Monday. Hurrah!
I guess this means that we'll have to make the latest batch of VC releases last for another week. Thankfully, one of them is actually worth your money. Reviews follow the jump.
After years of waiting, the impossible has happened. Fans demanded it. They petitioned it. They wrote songs and fanfiction about how much they loved it. Until now, Nintendo ignored them. Today, the object of their adoration has finally been announced for Western release on the Wii's Virtual Console.
That's right. Cho Aniki has been announced for future VC release in the UK.
Now sure, it wasn't until the 1995 release of Ai Cho Aniki that the series fully grew into its homoerotic niche, but this is still a big step in the right direction for the Virtual Console, as far as I'm concerned. Also announced for upcoming release in the UK are Gley Lancer and Star Parodier -- two more excellent shooters that have until now have only been available in Japan. Will these titles eventually make their way to North America? Here's hoping!
Oh, and some game called EarthBound was recently re-rated by the ESRB and will probably be coming to the U.S. Virtual Console soon blah blah blah. Who cares? Cho Aniki!
"Double Dragon is not a game you ever need to play again," say the guys behind N+, one of the few competent games available on the Xbox 360's Xbox Live Arcade service.
I can understand their frustration. Xbox Live Arcade's remade version of Double Dragon manages to both completely miss and utterly destroy the appeal of retro gaming in one soulless swoop. More than that, though, Double Dragon exemplified the kind of carelessness that resulted in a promising service fading into irrelevance thanks to consistently mediocre releases, with each week bringing new levels of disappointment to its dwindling userbase.
So hey, guess what got added to the Virtual Console this week!
SPOILER: Early Internet reports indicate that next week will bring the NES version of Double Dragon to the Virtual Console...and nothing else. Please enjoy this week's lineup for what it is, and don't for a second take it as indication that Nintendo gives any sort of damn about the Virtual Console service.
Reviews are past the jump. Read them!
Electronic Arts recently announced and started doing demos for Wii and DS titles based on the upcoming Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince movie, based on the absurdly thick and wangsty book that came out some years ago. Let me cut down on the amount of preview verbiage you have to wade through for these titles by using my amazing industry insider powers to make a prediction: they will suck. This is based on my clever observation of how every single officially licensed Harry Potter game managed to suck to an amazing degree.
So, EA and their Harry Potter license can go to hell. Let's talk about something far more interesting: insane Chinese Harry Potter bootleg video games. Go back and read that, maybe three or four times. The chances of seeing those six words in that particular arrangement together is rare, and yet one of the most wonderful phrases possible in the English language. YouTube has yielded up gameplay videos of three such highly illegal delights, and you can check out videos and my highly educated commentary behind the cut.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
I don't know what to make of this. It has to be some kind of trick.
Yeah, a trick. Like, you download River City Ransom, start it up, and surprise! It's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for the NES. Or Total Recall. Or the unreleased sequel to Urban Champion.
No, I refuse to believe that the Nintendo who brought us Cruis'n USA and King's Knight is giving us River City Ransom (NES, 500 Points), a brilliant and infinitely replayable cooperative brawler-RPG. Phantasy Star III (Genesis, 800 Points) sounds more like the kind of thing they'd do to us, on the other hand. But...River City Ransom? No way.
Is this a new beginning for the Virtual Console? Or will next week bring Cheetahmen II and a translated version of Law of the West? Only the cruel geniuses at Nintendo know for sure.
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