Nintendo's Wii-kly Update Takes a Week OffTo celebrate [Monday's] launch of the new WiiWare downloadable game service for Wii, there will be no Virtual Console games added [on Monday]. But don't worry -- next week the Wii-kly Update will be back to its regular Monday schedule, bringing Wii owners information about the best classic Virtual Console titles and coolest new WiiWare games.
So says Monday's press release from the Nintendo Press Room. That's right, in celebration of the WiiWare launch, Nintendo will spare us whatever inevitably disappointing Virtual Console releases were initially planned for Monday. Hurrah!
I guess this means that we'll have to make the latest batch of VC releases last for another week. Thankfully, one of them is actually worth your money. Reviews follow the jump.
After years of waiting, the impossible has happened. Fans demanded it. They petitioned it. They wrote songs and fanfiction about how much they loved it. Until now, Nintendo ignored them. Today, the object of their adoration has finally been announced for Western release on the Wii's Virtual Console.
That's right. Cho Aniki has been announced for future VC release in the UK.
Now sure, it wasn't until the 1995 release of Ai Cho Aniki that the series fully grew into its homoerotic niche, but this is still a big step in the right direction for the Virtual Console, as far as I'm concerned. Also announced for upcoming release in the UK are Gley Lancer and Star Parodier -- two more excellent shooters that have until now have only been available in Japan. Will these titles eventually make their way to North America? Here's hoping!
Oh, and some game called EarthBound was recently re-rated by the ESRB and will probably be coming to the U.S. Virtual Console soon blah blah blah. Who cares? Cho Aniki!
"Double Dragon is not a game you ever need to play again," say the guys behind N+, one of the few competent games available on the Xbox 360's Xbox Live Arcade service.
I can understand their frustration. Xbox Live Arcade's remade version of Double Dragon manages to both completely miss and utterly destroy the appeal of retro gaming in one soulless swoop. More than that, though, Double Dragon exemplified the kind of carelessness that resulted in a promising service fading into irrelevance thanks to consistently mediocre releases, with each week bringing new levels of disappointment to its dwindling userbase.
So hey, guess what got added to the Virtual Console this week!
SPOILER: Early Internet reports indicate that next week will bring the NES version of Double Dragon to the Virtual Console...and nothing else. Please enjoy this week's lineup for what it is, and don't for a second take it as indication that Nintendo gives any sort of damn about the Virtual Console service.
Reviews are past the jump. Read them!
Electronic Arts recently announced and started doing demos for Wii and DS titles based on the upcoming Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince movie, based on the absurdly thick and wangsty book that came out some years ago. Let me cut down on the amount of preview verbiage you have to wade through for these titles by using my amazing industry insider powers to make a prediction: they will suck. This is based on my clever observation of how every single officially licensed Harry Potter game managed to suck to an amazing degree.
So, EA and their Harry Potter license can go to hell. Let's talk about something far more interesting: insane Chinese Harry Potter bootleg video games. Go back and read that, maybe three or four times. The chances of seeing those six words in that particular arrangement together is rare, and yet one of the most wonderful phrases possible in the English language. YouTube has yielded up gameplay videos of three such highly illegal delights, and you can check out videos and my highly educated commentary behind the cut.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
I don't know what to make of this. It has to be some kind of trick.
Yeah, a trick. Like, you download River City Ransom, start it up, and surprise! It's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for the NES. Or Total Recall. Or the unreleased sequel to Urban Champion.
No, I refuse to believe that the Nintendo who brought us Cruis'n USA and King's Knight is giving us River City Ransom (NES, 500 Points), a brilliant and infinitely replayable cooperative brawler-RPG. Phantasy Star III (Genesis, 800 Points) sounds more like the kind of thing they'd do to us, on the other hand. But...River City Ransom? No way.
Is this a new beginning for the Virtual Console? Or will next week bring Cheetahmen II and a translated version of Law of the West? Only the cruel geniuses at Nintendo know for sure.
One of the great things about the Virtual Console is that, for many systems, it offers a cheaper and convenient alternative to buying games second-hand than getting loose cartridges second-hand. The collector market has driven up second-hand prices for virtually all old games, and especially for games from popular systems like the Nintendo hardware.
Ebay watching site GameSniped recently reported that the first games graded and slabbed by the VGA - Video Game Authority, that is - have shown up for auction on e-bay, and are fetching unusually high prices thanks to their pristine state. By "slabbed", I mean complete, sealed-in-box copies of the games are placed inside a plastic case that's designed to show any signs of tampering and make the product harder to damage.
Sorry I left you hanging, guys. For weeks, you've sat in front of your computers -- sleeping in your chairs, ignoring basic hygiene, forcing loved ones to feed you blended cheeseburgers through a tube -- while you've done nothing but refresh OMG Nintendo as you thought to yourselves, "Oh man, Cruis'n USA looks SO AWESOME! But...but what does Sardius think?"
Well, I'm glad you waited. I'm about to cover everything released on the Virtual Console over the last three weeks, and it's not going to be pretty. I mean, just look at that shot from Mega Turrican up there. Eeugh.
Hello friends. How do you feel about shooters? There's about a million of them on the Virtual Console right now. From games where you walk and shoot things to games where you fly and shoot things, Nintendo has you covered. Luckily, this week sees one new release of each! Fantastic. It brings to mind that one scene in The Blues Brothers when the lady at Bob's Country Bunker tells Elwood that they have both kinds of music, country AND western.
Anyway. Fantasy Zone (500 Points, SMS) is a fondly remembered horizontal shooter that by all means SHOULD have been the Sega Master System's Virtual Console debut, while Mega Turrican (800 Points, Genesis) continues the VC's fine tradition of continuing to offer run-and-shoot games that aren't the original Contra.
And yeah, I've kind of fallen behind on my reviewing duties, sorry. I'm thinking of making an all-in-one update covering all of those VC games that nobody's been buying over the last few weeks. Some kind of "roundup," I guess you could call it. Yeah, that's the ticket.
"The arrival of April means springtime fun is officially back in season," Nintendo says in its latest Virtual Console press release, vaguely blaming months and months of lame Virtual Console releases on the winter season. All this time, Nintendo was simply suffering from seasonal depression, and nobody picked up on it. You have to be aware of these things, guys. Depressed people don't just come right out and tell you that they're depressed. I mean, King's Knight? Cruis'n USA? Obvious cries for help. All Nintendo wanted was enough money from Virtual Console sales to buy a sun lamp for itself during the gray winter months, and you ignored their needs with pessimism and negative VC reviews. I hope you're all happy with yourselves.
Luckily, Nintendo's feeling better now. Not well enough to offer anything truly outstanding, but it's not like YOU deserve it, jerk. Up first this week is Bases Loaded (NES, 500 Points), the best damn baseball game ever made, up until the release of MLB Power Pros. We're also getting Yoshi's Cookie (NES, 500 Points), an underrated puzzler with a great multiplayer mode. Reviews to follow, with bonuses!
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