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Oh yeah, the Virtual Console! I totally forgot about that old thing. And so has Nintendo, apparently, since only four new VC games have been released over the last month. Not only that, but rumors have recently suggested that Nintendo is planning to "wind down" its Virtual Console release schedule soon. What this means exactly is unknown, but it's probably not going to increase our chances of seeing Earthbound anytime this century.

But hey, why focus on future doom and gloom when we can discuss the Virtual Console's equally depressing present state? Has the last month brought us anything at all worth buying? Let's find out.

Sky Kid

"As an early NES release based upon a 1985 arcade game, Sky Kid offers as much depth as you'd expect. It's good in short bursts, but it's not consistently fun enough to justify moving your pointer all the way over to the Sky Kid channel on your Wii menu on a regular basis."

...or so I might've said a few weeks ago, but WiiWare's recent suckiness has made me more forgiving toward Virtual Console games. When you think of it as being half the cost of insulting garbage like Protothea and Critter Round-Up, Sky Kid is the must-have game-of-the-year bargain experience of the century.

Sky Kid is unique among horizontally scrolling shooters in that your character flies to the left instead of the right. Astounding! It's also one of the few games in its genre in which slamming into enemies and bullets doesn't always mean instant death; assuming you can pound the controller buttons fast enough after taking a hit, you can recover from a tailspin before your plane crashes into the ground. This neat little gimmick makes Sky Kid a more fair and playable experience than many other games of its type.

I'm also particularly fond of the mission structure -- after takeoff, each stage charges you with picking up a bomb, dropping it on a fortified enemy base, and landing your plane on a nearby runway. Every step features an amount of detail you wouldn't expect to find in a game of its era; takeoff actually requires player input, gameplay still progresses if you mess up the bombing run (though you'll miss out on the resulting bonus points), and a crowd of cheerleaders greets you prior to every landing.

And when you shoot them, they turn into giant pink turds. Well, in the arcade version, anyway. The NES version is clearly inferior due to its lack of dancing turds.

It's weird to think that Sky Kid may not have been worth a look a month ago, but in this post-Protothea world we live in, any playable shooter shines brighter than before. Give it a shot and see what you think.

Try these too: Lords of Thunder (Duo), R-Type III (SNES)
Don't bother with: Super R-Type (SNES), Psychosis (TG-16)

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Metal Slug

Metal Slug is Metal Slug. It's like Contra, only it's way better than Contra ever was. There is not a human alive who dislikes Metal Slug, and anyone who hasn't played it is missing out on one of the best action games to ever be released on any platform.

The only problem is that poor Metal Slug has been made to suffer in ways no game of its stature deserves. The Wii's near-launch compilation Metal Slug Anthology seemed like a sure bet, but was rushed to release with a host of bugs and omissions that made the whole thing unappealing and irritating. More recently, PlayStation 2 owners were disappointed by a laggy, slowdown-ridden Metal Slug port included in the staggeringly awful SNK Arcade Classics Volume 1.

The Virtual Console version of Metal Slug is an accurate and enjoyable port that includes the Classic Controller D-pad support that Metal Slug Anthology desperately needed. It also costs $9. Anthology -- which includes all seven Metal Slug games -- costs $20 at most places now.

It's a difficult choice, to be sure. Do you go for the expensive but accurate and fun port of the original Metal Slug, or the cheaper but much less enjoyable series compilation?

You'll need to consider a few more factors before you decide which version to purchase, but if it helps you out any, consider that the only Metal Slugs that you really need to buy are 1, 3, and X. If you buy those on the Virtual Console, you'll be out $27, which is just a few bucks more than any half-assed compilation the US branch of SNK will ever crap out.

Make the right choice. You deserve to enjoy Metal Slug as it should be enjoyed. Spend the nine bucks on the Virtual Console version.

Try these too: Super C (NES), Mega Turrican (Genesis), Cybernator (SNES)
Don't bother with: Blue's Journey (NeoGeo)

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Ninja Combat

Did you read what I wrote about Metal Slug up there? Reverse it. Ninja Combat sucked when it was originally released, it sucks on the Virtual Console, and it's going to suck even more when it's included on the inevitable SNK Arcade Classics Volume 2. Don't bother with any version. You're better off getting your crappy SNK beat'em-up fix from Burning Fight whenever it hits the Virtual Console.

So anyway, when did SNK start sucking so much? Sure, there were occasional stinkbombs like Ninja Combat released back in the '90s, but you could at least tell that the company was passionate and dedicated to its cause back then. The SNK of today is more willing to farm out its best properties to uncaring and lazy third-party developers, not give a good god damn when their in-house games are entirely horrible and sometimes recall-worthy, and then yell at you when you call them for an exchange.

I'm just disappointed, I guess. The Neo-Geo was an entirely likable console, and yet this is what SNK gives us now. It's weird -- there's like this whole dysfunctional family of once-great Japanese developers whose output now consists entirely of me-too brain training games, thinly veiled pedophilia, and crappy ports and soulless remakes of the games that made them famous in the first place. But hey, maybe if you turn Sonic into a yiffy werewolf his games will magically get better. Who knows!

Wait, what was I talking about again?

Try these instead: Ninja Gaiden II (NES), Ninja Spirit (TG-16)
Don't bother with: Ninja Jajamaru-kun (NES), Ninja Gaiden III (NES)

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City Connection

I need to calm down here. I blame Shadow the Hedgehog. Thinking about him always gets me all riled up and ornery. Consarn it.

Let's think happy thoughts! City Connection's a happy thought. It's a game about painting over the roadways in exotic locations around the world while you avoid the local police and suicidal cats. I have good memories attached to it, and it's got a catchy soundtrack.

It controls pretty badly, though, and if you're not the patient type, it will frustrate you quickly. Also bear in mind that it's much more fun with two players...somehow, even though it's alternating play rather than simultaneous and players never directly interact with one another. It's just the mysterious power of Jaleco, I guess.

Realistically, City Connection isn't worth your money. I like it, though, and all the Shadow the Hedgehog sequels in the world can't take that away from me.

Try these too: Balloon Fight (NES), Bubble Bobble (NES)
Don't bother with: Pac-Man (NES), Donkey Kong (NES)

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