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I picked up Octomania on impulse when I snagged my copy of Baroque, remembering my early curiosity about how the game was played. Well, I understand that now, but there is much about the game that is otherwise baffling to me. I mean, when I first powered the game on in my Wii, this is the first thing I saw (in 480p widescreen, no less):

The only difference between this and the US version opening is localized text. The song is the same, in all its hideous piercing glory. Tako tako, takoyaki takoron, koron koron koron...

Now the game... actually, it was interesting reading Sardius's take on Yoshi's Cookie in his Virtual Console round-up, because Octomania's prime dysfunction as a puzzle game is quite similar to Yoshi's Cookie. There is a level at which the gameplay descends into ridiculous, arbitrary madness... but is actually kind of fun because of that, and weirdly compelling.

Before we discuss the ways in which Octomania does and doesn't work, let's talk basics. Octomania is a puzzle game with gameplay mechanics that exist somewhere between Puyo Puyo and Lumines. Much like the modern Puyo Puyo titles, there's a big focus on multiplayer and most game modes pit you against a CPU opponent if you're playing solo.

You have an 8x10 grid. Brightly colored octopi rain from the sky as 3x3 grids representing grills spawn randomly around the board. Octomania's protagonist is obsessed with eating a Japanese snack called takoyaki that's basically a grilled octopus dumpling, so your goal in the game is to move octopus onto grills so you can turn them into... uh, bubbles. You can move octopi clockwise or counterclockwise using a 2x2 square cursor. The number in the center space of the grill tells you how many octopi it takes to make the grill fire up and turn the octopi into bubbles; it starts at 2, and can get as high as 8.

The bubbling octopi can also turn any adjoining octopi of the same color into bubbles, and match more octopi into bubbles initiates a combo attack that causes sea urchins to rain down on your opponent's grid. The urchins disappear when placed next to bubbling octopi but otherwise take up space and make your opponent's life suck more. The game ends if every spot on one player's grid is filled, and the player then fails to bubble octopi within three seconds. That player loses, and the other by default wins.

If "simple elegance" is your idea of what a puzzle game should be, Octomania is pretty much a failure. The mechanics are needlessly complex and horribly random. Grills can spawn on top of each other, making it hard to see which one you're filling. Luck is a determining factor in victories to the point where the color of the pieces you're using might change while you're moving them. If you get up to a 10 chain in combat, your combo suddenly interrupts the opponent's and destroys his or her bubbles. As you turn grids into octopus bubbles, you fill up a meter that makes a magic diamond appear. If you bubble the diamond, then your character does their personal special attack against the enemy, and the number required to fill spawning grids falls back to two octopi.

It's just how far Octomania is willing to venture into the mode of ridiculous bullshit that makes it feel fun, especially given its anger-defusing budget price. The randomness means that the outcome of head to head battles can hinge on ludicrous stunts like a magic diamond going off at just the right time, or an octopus happening to drop such that it instantly skyrockets your combo chain to 10. It's a fine game for yelling at the other guy and moderate trash talking, and too impossibly ridiculous for anyone to start taking the outcome seriously. You'll win some and lose some, and when you lose it won't feel like it's your fault, and when you win you'll feel pretty satisfied for gaming the system.

Controls are also a complication. The default "remote mode" is basically unplayable, since it tethers the movement of the onscreen cursor to where your Wii Remote is pointing. Sideways mode, where you move the cursor with the D-Pad, feels weird at first but is actually quite nice once you get used to it. You end up triggering the B-button at lot with your index finger, but this is less uncomfortable than it sounds.

There are a ton of different modes to play in for Octomania, including online multiplayer, Arcade, a variety of head-to-head and single player modes, and the inevitable Story Mode (called "Octopuzzle"). The Story Mode is where the hand of Atlus is felt in the localization, since the dubbing is obviously using actors from their usual stable.

Some of the dub performances are quite good and try hard, while others hit "hey, get the janitor in here to read this" lows of the early 90's. The script is demented and veers between heavy localization (Funkee, the rapping tree, speaks in obnoxiously incoherent urban slang) and absolute literal translations (just try to figure out what some of the samurai crab's lines are referencing). The end result is a storyline that makes absolutely no sense on any level, and is just... look, here's a "highlight" reel someone put up on YouTube.

The weird dubbing and equally weird script combine to give Octomania's storyline an inimitably surreal quality. Sometimes you'll laugh at the jokes, sometimes you'll laugh at how bizarre and terrible everything is. It doesn't fail to entertain, but its actual entertainment value frequently descends into the bathetic. The gameplay holds up decently well since the game always parses fights as head-to-head battles. Beating the crap out of the CPU isn't as satisfying as a roommate, of course, but knowing you can lose keeps you on your toes while things don't feel horribly unfair until you try to unlock the second set of playable characters. To get them you have to pass an entire Story Mode without losing a single battle, and in a game that explodes with randomness that can be a headache.

Despite everything obviously wrong with this game, here I sit, playing it. I'll probably play it for a little bit each day until I feel like diving into Baroque or I unlock all of the Octopuzzle characters. Octomania is simply too bizarre to be something I want to put down, although I'm not sure I'll be playing it regularly for more than a week. I'm enjoying it, but much of that comes from how caustic and bizarre and fundamentally kind of bad so much of the proceedings are. I'm not sure how much of this is legitimate fun factor and how much of it is me loving games that are willing to try and wring decent gameplay out of fundamentally terrible gameplay premises and eye-melting artwork. It's sort of like getting to sit around and play Twinkle Star Sprites on my Wii, if Twinkle Star Sprites had maybe only half of its redeeming qualities.

Because Octomania is not really conventionally good, I'm hesitant to recommend it to anyone who is not Sardius (who may find its not up to his exacting standards of craptitude). I mean, of its two current reviews, the high score is a tepid 7 of 10 from Games Radar, while the low score is a C- from 1up that is fraught with sadness and frustration.

This is a game that you will stare at, jaw agape, and occasionally wince or groan at, but it's always just playable enough that you want to keep going to see what baffling or nonsensical thing it will present you with next. If you have that sort of Z-grade-loving mentality, this game is a tiny treasure. When so much of the Wii library is awful in depressing, soul-crushing ways where games simply do not function, Octomania is a game that is somewhat fun to play and tries hard. At what, I'm not sure, but it seems to be trying. Maybe I'll figure it out if I can go another few rounds with it...

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